Soichi
ICU graduate (2015)
[The article below is the same as the article that appears in the eighteenth issue of the CGS Newsletter.]
ICU is the only university in Japan that offers a structured interdisciplinary major in gender and sexuality studies. ICU students receive support from CGS, which organizes study groups and serves as a friendly space for discussing gender and sexuality issues. Soichi, who graduated in March 2015, shares his thoughts on his time at ICU.
I graduated from ICU this spring. During my four years at college, I was openly gay. I didn't want my sexuality to be a secret shared among a few select friends; it is an essential part of who I am as an individual, and I wanted everyone I met to know that. That's why I would always come out to people by telling them straight off, "I'm gay." Most of my fellow ICU students were not too surprised by this and would just respond with a comment like, "Oh that's cool." And since I started connecting with people on social networking sites as soon as we met, I often didn't even have to say anything to them directly because many people would just figure it out from my profile. I'm truly grateful to have had such an understanding college environment because I always wanted to be accepted for who I am by people around me.
But even in such an ideal environment, there was a part of me that couldn't shake off an uncomfortable feeling that we were all just under an "illusion of understanding." For example, one of my good friends asked me, "Do you think of yourself as a woman?" I realized that my friend was confusing gays with transgenders and that people didn't really understand what I meant when I said I was "gay." The existence of the label "gay" tends to lull us into an illusion of understanding and an illusion of communication, when in fact we really need to sit down together and talk about it properly to really understand each other. The world you were in doesn't suddenly change completely the moment you "come out." Coming out isn't just a single moment or action but requires tireless dialogue with others to further understanding.
When someone comes out, you shouldn't just assume that you understand but try to learn what it is that you don't know and what that person is thinking or feeling. And if you choose to come out, don't assume that all will be understood in that one moment. It takes continual dialogues to further understanding. Think of coming out as a life-long process. Before I started college, I thought that as long as I could come out, I could live life on my own terms and all my words would be understood as intended. My time at ICU and all the friends I made have taught me about the importance of communication. I know there will be an even greater risk of this "illusion of understanding" when I meet people in the very di¬fferent world outside ICU, but that's all the more reason why I shouldn't forget what I learned during my ICU years. For my own sake, but also for others, I hope to continue having open and sincere dialogues with everyone I meet.